Assorted Garbage · Video Games

MY E3 Predictions That Will Definitely Happen

I am a serious games journalist doing serious games journalism, and as such, it is my duty, nay, my honour! To present to you a list of things I think will happen at a press conference in LA, a press conference designed for marketing employees and Executives to show off their latest advertising deals and maybe a bit of a game. I will do my best to maintain my journalistic integrity throughout these trying times and remember that we are here for the video games, and the cool refreshing taste of Mountain Dew.

These are rough guestimates and may not necessarily come true but, with the exception of last year, E3 has become relatively formulaic. So through the use of science, algebra, and magic, I have made some predictions with a 97% chance of being right.

Continue reading “MY E3 Predictions That Will Definitely Happen”

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Editorials · Video Games

Offensively Inoffensive: White Male Skinheads

In recent years, video game protagonists have taken on a rather homogenized appearance but none is more prevalent in big name franchises than the badass white guy with a skinhead including, but not limited to, Desmond Miles (Aassassin’s Creed), Star Killer (The Force Unleashed), Default Commander Shepard (Mass Effect) and  Baldur (Too Human), pretty cool, huh?

Okay maybe not the last one, though actually, I don’t think I find any of them particularly cool. I’m far from the first ‘journalist’ to notice this trend but I think there’s something a bit more diabolical and alienating to it than just ‘don’t they look a bit samey?’

Continue reading “Offensively Inoffensive: White Male Skinheads”

Editorials · Video Games

A Tutorial for Tutorials

 

Tutorials, they’re great! ‘Hey I got a new game and I have no idea how to play it!’ Fear not! The game will teach you how to play! Tutorials are a handy feature which stops less experienced players from (pre-emptively) hurling those expensive controllers at even more expensive TV screens, walls, and that photo frame I smashed that one time but was a complete accident.

The best games teach the player new things without them even realising it, a perfect example of this would be Portal and how it gradually introduces new elements into its myriad of puzzles which simultaneously keeps the gameplay fresh and ramps up the difficulty. However, for every good tutorial some of them just plain fucking suck.

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Editorials · Video Games

Referencing the References: Do We Need New Jokes?

(I’m writing seriously about jokes and isn’t that the biggest joke of all? Yes.)

Memes and that, am I right guys? Cake is a lie, Battletoads is hard and where is Half Life? lol. Most everyone enjoys seeing something that they recognise in something else that they’re fond of for a little giggle every now and then, but I’m not wrong in thinking that videogames seem to be the one medium that uses these Easter Eggs so often that it’s becoming more of a shock NOT to find at least one reference to another other game in the one that I’m playing.

Videogames are certainly the most referential medium out there, that’s for sure(bar those ghastly Friedberg and Seltzer movies), and a perfect example of this would be Retro City Rampage, a (fantastic) game dedicated entirely to referencing pop culture. However, is our comedy dependant on these pop culture references being used repeatedly and have games and gamers reached a point where we need new jokes?

Continue reading “Referencing the References: Do We Need New Jokes?”

Editorials · Video Games

GTA: Online, A Bitter Pill To Swallow

(Quick foreword, this article is nothing to do with the connectivity issues plaguing the launch of the project, name one multiplayer game that had a smooth launch? exactly)

There’s no denying that Grand Theft Auto V is an impressive game and that whilst some areas seem to have take a step back, such as the lack of interiors or the Minority Report style police which seems to place them suspiciously close by when you actually decide to take that car on a whim, it’s been a huge improvement over the dose of gritty realism that GTA IV tried to force down our throats.

However, with all of this being said there are things that have impressed me more than developer Rockstar’s latest project, Grand Theft Auto: Online. Continue reading “GTA: Online, A Bitter Pill To Swallow”